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And I think America by =nycterent:iconnycterent:





the radio's blue nowadays, blue
with the smell of plastic and copper
and breaking crowfeathers in atticnests
breakbreak, like painted waves on skin
and open lips on sinew and white
meat-splintered-with-bones

break

the clouds - a waterline across the chimney-sweep of the black-cloud sunset. Yesterday, I pulled the towel edges out from clotheslines, imagined wood-like-bone holding the frame and prairies, skulls of buffalo herded over salted grass waves

break

bones-with-splintered-meat
red from the sunset dust and open
to the wind and broken stutters
of the blue radio, perched on a mustang
and clinging to the hood like a
bleached-out crow.
©2009 =nycterent
:iconnycterent:

Author's Comments

Ten minute scribble with the help of ~Aadea's prompt "radio, native american, towel". Thank her for the title too!

V1. Trying something new with style. Tell me whatcha think --

Critiques


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Comments


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:iconnatme:
I like the way you use words.

For some reason their combination seems odd at times but it still works.

Good job.
:iconaadea:
Rightsideup - guns/rifles?

Head turned - it looks like buildings, a memorial, maybe even a butterfly.

Butterflies can do anything.

You seem to do everything.

*!*

:heart:
:iconralfmaximus:
Interesting style, gunslinger. You wield words in brave new ways.

It suits.

I was there.

Well done.
:iconr-mitchell:
"the radio's blue nowadays, blue"
is a fantastic opening, the sort of thing that really stands out and made me want to pay attention to the piece.

the closing verse is brilliant too, i love the images of
"bones-with-splintered-meat
red from the sunset dust and open"
and the "bleached-out crow."
:iconnycterent:
Cannon maybe, or a very rigid angel with Princess Leia hair. It's all the rage up there, ya know.

As for doing everything, blame my muse!

:heart:
:iconnycterent:
Thank you for the comment. =]
:iconnycterent:
Thank you! reading your comments my brain stumbled on brave new worl- ways. I think that novel is getting its revenge for when I refused to read it in [link] English class. =]

I'm happy it's working.
:iconmermyledisko:
Thanks for entering, good luck!

--
Oh why oh why do girls alway cry when you tell them they're past their sell-by?
:iconjuliaterese:
Interesting progression of thought from breaktobreak. I would be interested to see you write another poem with three completely unconnected things. Just as morbid as this. That would be something.

Where are you getting these prompts? I want to play.
:iconnycterent:
Come play - We post the prompts and deadlines and demands and cackle as we suffer. :]

Details

March 9
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11.4 KB
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