This is an ode to plastic bottles swelling with ice, skies pressed apart by white foam, and steam gleaming where there used to be blue arches starched across the daytime steeples. This is an ode to rain forests and cassette tapes draped in black tangles over green like roads, exploding their winding way from civilization. |
Author's Comments
O rainforest,
I dreamed I mailed you Azerbaijani balabans on which the sakis played. But Apricot wood would not grow under the basket of canopy trees. In support of ~boundpoems and the challenge to write a three-stanza poem with end-beginning line rhyme. the third stanza is written in invisible font so I copied it down here (well up above). Rhyming without internal fixed structure makes me nervous. Comments
 !I look forward to seeing your comments in my message center. Always. May I keep you? Air mail yourself to my door and I'll feed you sushi and nacho cheese chips and persimmons.  Wow! I love the opener and the imagery. I've never seen this kind of rhyme scheme either. You pulled it off well.
 -- [insert something witty here]  i would absolutely love to mail myself,
but i'm afraid delta might forget me and leave me in cincinnati or something and then i'll have to go home with an airport worker and listen to her great stories about sex and lost loves and wine and booze and her picks on philosophy and history, reaching into the vast regions of doubt and faith, until we're both drunk on high spirits and good times and eat fondue over an open fire in her backyard, stars out, trees blossoming and wind picking up our scents and taking them away to tired poets in the night, looking for inspiration, get picked up at 4:23 a.m. by the folks and crash on the bed, ear talked off and all persimmons sound great how about some salmon and garlic potatoes and make a meal of it? and wow, nacho cheese chips. my first childhood crush. doritos were so fantastic on the soccer field and in the cafeteria i like your snack picks. -- Bore, n.: A person who talks when you wish him to listen.  And never think that your comments are anything less than adored. I'm grateful to have a reader like you.
Aw shucks. *blush*  Ok, so far, this is my favorite of the works of yours I have read.
but before I read too many of them and leave way too many comments, this should probably be the last one for now >< The structure of this is impecable- you really hit on the right flow (meaning meter I suppose), even without specific structural guidelines. At first it threw me off that you'd seperatesd the "This" out between the first and second stanzas, but as the poem does flow nicely, it didn't present an issue. I read this one through a good five times. It was better each time. Amazing work. -- All the Best ~P-F  This is so unique, which is what makes it absolutely beautiful. I don't see the fav button anywhere for some odd reason (
 ) so can't fav, but I really loved it. It has powerful imagery, and the best part is that you haven't used very many words to create that imagery. A short poem that says a whole lot, and can be interpreted in many different ways. The first thought a person may have in his mind would be that it is about 'global warming', which (I believe)is the main theme of it but it also speaks of isolation, of how the civilization has isolated itself from the earth, and how earth has isolated itself from civilzation because the earth is angry with it. You have related global warming to the emotions of earth, and not only that but also to the emotions of human beings. And even I agree with the person who said it is oddly seductive. Keep up the good work, you are one very talented and sophisticated writer.  -- The woods are lovely, dark and deep But I have promises to keep And miles to go before I sleep... And miles to go before I sleep -Robert Frost You should try this rhyme scheme if you haven't already. It's very strange at first, and then it grows on you.
 Perhaps I will...
 I do have 3 weeks to myself with nothing to do... -- [insert something witty here] Previous Page1234
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Critiques
Usually the title is placed as an afterthought in most poetry, but yours seemed like a lot of thought went into making sure the title was as important as the poem itself.
The juxtaposition of man made entities against nature to create imagery really stood out to me in this poem.
Particularly the image of "...rain forests and cassette tapes draped in black tangles over green like roads..." To me it is a very powerful image that will probably never leave me due to it's memorability.
The break between the end of the fourth line, "This" and the beginning of the fifth line "is an ode..." sort of threw me off a bit.
I understand that you're starting a new idea by breaking it off into a new stanza, but I feel that this would have been better achieved if the "This" had been carried down to the fifth line to make it flow better.
Aside from that I feel that it is a wonderful poem and that you have a fabulous talent for creating powerful imagery in the minds of your readers.
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